How to tell a child about the death of a loved one?
Death is a taboo subject in most of our societies. Talking about death is very stressful and can even cause panic. Yet around us and elsewhere, it strikes every day and relentlessly. People we know or care about may die at some point and it can be very difficult to tell someone, especially a child. Here are some tips on how to tell your child about the death of a loved one.
Choosing when to tell
Whatever their age, it is advisable to break the news as soon as possible. However, if there are other reasons for delaying the news, it is important to let them know why. He or she should not find out about it elsewhere, as this could damage your relationship with him or her.
Who should make the announcement?
It is best to have someone who knows the child best to break the news. A close relative or another family member to whom they are very attached. This helps to prevent the child from acting out and makes it easier to control and calm the child.
How to tell your child?
This is where the real problem lies. As a parent, it is normal that you do not want to hurt your child. It is therefore important to find the right words to tell your child this sad news.
– The right words to say
Generally, expressions are used to make this kind of announcement: “he has travelled to heaven”, “he has fallen asleep”, “he is gone forever”. These expressions are quite complex for the child. He cannot understand them all at once. They do not yet understand the figurative meaning of these words. He only understands the first meaning. So he may be afraid to travel, to sleep or to go away from you. You just have to tell them frankly without lying or using metaphorical terms. You must tell them that their relative has died and explain the causes
Also avoid immediately associating all illnesses with death. This could affect them if they become ill.
– Allow them to grieve
Because of the news effect, some children may remain silent. They don’t show any emotion. Don’t let this confuse you. They should take the time to understand what death is and make their own observations. Over time, they will notice the absence of their loved one.
– Letting their emotions run wild
The child must know that he/she can express his/her emotions. They need to be reassured that they are surrounded by people who are ready to support them. Parents should be caring and help them through what can be a very painful impasse. They should feel free to express their emotions. This is a stage in which the child needs the love of the parents.
– Giving the child confidence
After the announcement of the death, some children may have fears. In particular, they may be afraid that they will also die and that other relatives will also die. It is therefore important to make them understand that death is a random phenomenon. It is not a contagious disease. Life is beautiful and worth living. Embrace him and look really convincing. Especially when he feels guilty about the death of his loved one, he should be gently dissuaded. He is not responsible for the death.
– Giving answers to questions
A child who asks a question should never be left without an answer. Some children, when they hear the news, may ask you a lot of questions. It is important that you answer truthfully and appropriately. Avoid lies, or using words they cannot understand. This is also an opportunity to explain the idea of the afterlife according to your belief.
Preparing the child for the funeral
The child should be asked if he or she wants to participate in the funeral of the deceased. If they do not want to, respect their wishes. But ideally they should participate and play a role in the ceremony. You can allow them to write a poem, a farewell letter or even just a word to the deceased. This allows them to grieve completely. They need to say goodbye to the deceased so that they understand that the deceased is no longer alive and that they will never physically see them again.
Whatever your culture, explain to the child that the relative has died. There is only the body in the coffin. So the child doesn’t feel anything from the cremation that is done or the burial that is done.
Death is part of our life. Parents must make their children understand this. All their lives, from time to time, they will learn about the death of this or that person. They should not allow themselves to be panicked or traumatized. It’s a natural occurrence that can happen to anyone.